Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
