4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
