Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
