I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
