It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
