the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
