Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
