I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
