If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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