mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
