I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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