Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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