i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
