NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
