get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
