I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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