I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
