it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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