I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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