I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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