just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
