we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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