She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
