What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
