He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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