I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
