Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
