I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize