K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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