please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize