i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
