were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
