The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
