Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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