Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
