don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
