about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
