You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
