jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
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