He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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