I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
