i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
