You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
