I wanna bring you to show and tell
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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