Non-Jews are for practice
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
