Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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