THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
