standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Still dying that you shit outside
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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