dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
