Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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