She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
