my sisters under your porch take her home
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am available for nakedness
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
