the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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