3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i don't like sucking hair
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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