I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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