So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
