Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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