I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
