I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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