Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
