OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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