Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
