my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
