End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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