You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
