Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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