we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
