Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i now understand why vodka
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
