I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
