That's intense
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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