She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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