I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
